coDependency…

Without consciously realising they were holding one another in a toxic game of co-dependency. Their marriage has felt hard and disconnected for a long time. Too long.

They both have the desire and the longing for it to be loving, playful and intimate. But instead they are left feeling exhausted, guilting, angry, sad and frustrated. All this running on empty. No time for laughter, joy and love.

Then I realised what was going on…. co-dependency.

They are doing the work… but then go home and enrol one another back in the bullshit game that their relationship is hard, painful and disconnected. Holding each other back in fear of the unknown.

It’s a thoughtful ideal to want to love someone so much you lose yourself. But clearly, it’s a trap. You could also be doing it because you are scared of being alone, or don’t believe in yourself or think you are not good enough.

So they have to give something up… being the victim, playing small, feeling guilting, intimacy is not working, feeling not good enough, that love is hard and being responsible for one another’s happiness. No wonder they are exhausted.

You either give up the game of co-dependency now, or you do it when you get divorced. What this means is you take responsibility for yourself. Rather than building up resent with your lover because they are not ‘making you happy’.

We think… that’s how love works. Give everything to the other person at the sacrifice of yourself. That’s real love. False. That’s co-dependency. Its toxic and the reason marriages fail. Not taking responsibility for yourself. Not feeling whole without another. Not allowing one another freedom, choice and power.

I took her deep into a gentle guided practice to experience what it’s like not to the held in the toxic limiting belief that love is hard… for the first time she was able to see him with fresh eyes, open to new possibilities for their love, connection, communication and intimacy. Without the heavy baggage of how they have hurt each other in the past or the story of why they can’t seem to make their love work.

It landed in her body. I allowed it to move slowly through her nervous system. Rewiring. How they have been holding each other back. Trapping one another from making the most of their love and their joyous life together. Releasing the games they play to keep each other small and ridged.

Learning to do grown up love.

Actually opens up a new fresh exciting way to relate.

Without the baggage and suffocation.

Start again.

In relationship freedom.

Good to know there is more to your love.

Its only when you take responsibly for yourself, you are able to love another fully.

Love is free and spacious.

Only when you really let go, are you able to be swept away by connection.